Things to do and say when you want to drive your wineloving friends (or wine professionals) crazy - with the added bonus of doing your own wine enjoyment a disservice

dufour label

Call every sparkling wine Champagne. Show off your knowledge by calling it Prosecco if it is Italian.

Describe the young bold red wine that just scorched the insides of your mouth as dry and say you do not like dry wines next time you are at the store.

Suggest every white wine that you taste is sweet. Actually, go ahead and say white wine is not wine, really, and has to be drank within a year.

Grab your wine glass by the bowl.  Hang on to it, it will support you through the difficult evening.

Wear lots of perfume.

Do not eat while you drink wine. The emptier your stomach, the quicker you will reach a nice buzz and not know what you are doing and get rid off the extra calories, too!

Smoke. If you can’t smoke while you are drinking (darn those laws about indoor smoking), stub the last one out just before going in. Don’t forget to deeply inhale the last pull and only exhale once you are inside and can’t hold on to it anymore. Take frequent breaks to go outside and smoke.

Don’t neglect any opportunity to re-apply your lipstick one last time.

Buy wines according to how much you like the labels only.

Always drink the same wine.

Drink white wines ice cold and red wines at room temperature.

Hang on to the idea that wines are defined best according to the grape variety, no matter where they are from. Even better if you call Chardonnay, Cabernet & Co “varietals”.

Study lists about “how to fake wine know-how” and always do your best to look more knowledgeable than you are, no matter what your real level, beginner to Master of Wine.

Or go the opposite route and boast of your cluelessness about wine.

Call anyone who is trying to help you get the most out of your wines a wine snob.

If you want to understand the above statements better, come to a wine tasting. We have one almost every day.

* The picture above is the label of one of the Champagnes produced by Charles Dufour.

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